What is the oddest way you could possibly meet someone?? Besides meeting them in Rexburg, falling in love, in two weeks, getting married, within the month, and living happily ever after. Dating websites. Still I have a strict “don’t knock till you try it” policy and since it’s 2 am I thought now might be a good time to see what all the fuss is about.
2:05-Stared at the computer for an eternity trying to think of the name of a single dating website. Finally resorted to my good friend Google. EHarmony. I’ve heard of that one.
2:15-Began dating application.
2:16-Gave up on dating application.
I don’t have much patience for forms. Especially when they’re on the computer. I get bored. Look at how many pages are left and usually end up on Facebook. Since I lost interest halfway down page one I’m not sure but I’m assuming the next ten pages could only be compatibility questions. Apparently things besides the fact that I’m funny, have an awesome family, and what some might call “not exactly tall” matter to my “soon to be happy we chose EHarmony compadre”.
2:23-Realization. Have I been going about 1st dates completely wrong?? Should I be bringing copies of thousands of already answered compatibility questions so that we can determine if we are indeed a perfect match? Or if we calculate that we have not a hint of compatibility cut all pretences of civilized conversation, drop the fake laugh and end the evening within the comfort of our own apts watching reruns of Tosh.0?
2:24-Realization 2. I don’t have time nor patience for thousands of nonsense, pointless questions. So I abridge.
“20 Things I Would Tell a First Date so He Can Determine if We are Indeed Compatible Like He Hopes”:
1. I’m short. Yes, I’ve heard that joke before. No, you may not pick me up. Unless of course I like you. Or there is a train rattling at full speed towards me. Then by all means feel free to launch me to safety. Just aim for a bush. Or a nice grassy area.
2. I lose things constantly. It’s me. I recently lost my car. For 2 ½ hours.
3. I love summertime and anything associated with it. Heat, sunshine, swimming, bbq’s all of these make me a happy person.
4. I hate the cold. More than I hate anything.
5. It bothers me when towels touch. If they are folded nicely. Fine. No big deal. But if they are just tossed over the towel rack and touching…yuck! I won’t use them.
6. I love hockey!!!
7. I don’t like mashed potatoes. I love all other kinds of potatoes but all yogurt like…bleh! They make me gag. So does pudding.
8. I want to travel. I want to see everything. I want to meet everyone. Yes, I know this is unrealistic. I’ll settle for just traveling everywhere. I’m thinking I’m gonna need a private jet.
9. I translate conversations into German in my head when I’m at work and particularly bored. I also dream in German.
10. Apparently I am not a nice person when I’m asleep. Also I’m a deep sleeper. If you think I’m awake it’s best to assume that I’m not. Anything mean I said should be forgotten. Any bruises received should be iced. Apparently I also talk in German and giggle, lots. I’ve even woken myself up because I was laughing so hard. Something that I have been told is quite unsettling and very creepy.
11. I am terrified of insane asylums. This is not my only irrational fear. I also am scared of the post office. And reaching my hand into a box/bag that I can’t see into.
12. I write songs and poetry. It’s the writing no one will ever see.
13. I want to be an actress. I’d move to Hollywood in a heartbeat.
14. I have more jackets than shoes.
15. I skipped 1st grade. On the first day in my new class we had a spelling bee. I won. I was embarrassed. Already the “smart girl” I’d just beat a bunch of older kids. I went to sit in my chair, knocked over my desk and flipped over it. I had a bloody nose and from that day on I was shy.
16. I love facial hair. And confidence.
17. I take spontaneous trips to nowhere places. Sometimes I just feel like I need to go, leave, get out of the same nothing and be. My last spontaneous need for somewhere besides here hit me at 4 am.
18. I cry at movies, at books, at paintings. Things that evoke passion. Selfless acts of kindness. Things that remind me that humanity has a soul.
19. If I get a book. I will read it. All. In one sitting. It annoys even me. But at the time the story contains me.
20When I'm rich I will spend my money on cheese. And shoes.
