I should be doing homework. Instead I think I’ll blog. In my favorite font. Comic Sans. Boys, this one’s for you:
How To Lose a Girl in 10 Days
RB. A mutual friend introduced us. K meant to introduce me to someone else but there was a twist in the story and I met RB.
First Night. K and I decided to go for a drive. RB decided to come along for the ride. We made it to the stadium parking lot. A quick distance visual: Standing on my balcony I can throw a stone farther than the stadium parking lot. A sneak peak inside the car: K drove. Driver’s seat. I called shotgun. Passenger’s seat. RB. Backseat. We’re talking and laughing and talking more. Suddenly, RB grabs my hand. From… the backseat…? RB&J saga Total Time: 1 hour. Romantic? Mm..eh…uh…ok…I could see the romance, if I pretend. Daring? Yes. Daring can be good. K and I try not to laugh. I go home.
First Weekend. RB is gone. We text a little on Friday. Saturday. He calls. We’re talking. I miss you. Thank you? Uh…RB&J saga Total Time: 2.3 days. I hang up.
First Date. He honks. I live on the 3rd floor. It's quite a walk. But I look really good. Even if I didn’t I’m worth the 3 flights of stairs. RB says we’re going to drive. Drive and talk. We drive past a McDonalds. He’s hungry. We stop. He doesn’t open the McDonalds door for me. He doesn’t offer to pay. He doesn’t ask if I want anything. I don’t. I don’t eat McDonalds. Minus the ice cream. I always eat ice cream. But it’s polite. I watch him eat. He takes me home. He doesn’t walk me to my door. He does kiss me. RB&J saga Total Time: 4 days.
Birthday. I’m 19. K and RB come over to help us celebrate. RB tries to make stir-fry. It doesn’t work. Not even a little. It’s cute, sweet, thoughtful. I decide he’s not such a bad guy. RB&J saga Total Time: 5 days.
INTERMISSION: RB&J saga continues. We chill, hang out, go out, nothing important happens. Just more honking. RB&J Saga Total Time: 8 days.
Breakup: Guitars Unplugged. I want a guy who comes to the door. RB doesn’t even honk this time. I meet him at the stadium. The show is good. We walk home. We need to talk. He agrees. Stadium stairs are a work out. The metal is cold. It bites through my blue jeans. RB goes first. I think we need to break up. I nod. Yup. He’s flustered. He didn’t think I was going to agree. He starts naming off reasons like I’m arguing. 1. He doesn’t like my friends. A is hilarious so I don’t care. 2. We’re too physical. To all of you wondering: No I did not force him to kiss me. 3. He doesn’t see this ending in marriage. I can’t argue with that. My turn. I agree. He starts naming reasons again. I agree again. He stumbles. Informs me he’s still never been broken up with by anyone. He always breaks up with them. He’s proud his streak hasn’t been broken. I congratulate him. Secretly I wish I’d gone first. We go our separate ways. RB&J saga Total Time: 9 days.
Final reason. Last name. I couldn’t do that to my children. Feel free to guess. You won’t get it. Unless you’ve met him.
Epilogue. RB is married. Happily. I hope. To a girl who lived on the 1st floor. He didn’t have to honk. She didn’t think he was rude. True love.
