In the fall of 2007 there
was a CES fireside.
The topic was marriage
and the qualities to look
for in a spouse.
I did not actually attend
this fireside.
Truth be told, I didn’t
even watch it on T.V.
I was out actively
evaluating spousal qualities.
Translation-I was with a
boy.
My roommates however, were
not.
They listened
and then decided to write these desirable qualities
on our apt. fridge.
A & I thought it
would be nice to add
a few of our own chosen qualities.
They included things like—
Must be able to wrestle a
bear.
With his eyes closed.
Or the capability and
desire to make his own
sandwiches.
My roommates thought this
list was incredibly
unfunny.
And erased it.
But as funny as they
didn’t find it
I think there were some
good points on it.
As such I am rewriting—
The Fridge List of
Desirable Qualities in a Man.
1. Must be able to wrestle a bear.
With his eyes closed.
Here is why.
Scenario.
We’re camping. Bear attack.
I mace the bear.
But miss
(because he is only a really huge, giant bear)
and hit my hubs.
In the eyes.
Now we’re dead.
False.
My husband is so cool he can fight a bear
with his eyes closed.
2. “All that I’m after is a life full of laughter.”
Life is so much better
when there is someone to laugh with.
3. Depthless curiosity.
4. Speaks another language.
Speaks to his kids in other language.
(Proven fact that
this increases cognitive
development
and my
kids will probably need
every chance
they can get)
Does not speak to kids in other language about me.
5. Can fight a shark with one hand
tied
behind his back.
Seriously though I don’t want to lose my husband to some
freak shark attack.
6. Sings.
Preferably like Josh Turner.
Preferably not like me.
7. Accepts the words I make up
and
subsequently use on a daily basis.
8. “Let’s be adventurers.”
Lives this statement.
But in the non-pirate or creeper way.
9. Can outrun the wind.
While rocking a small child to sleep.
You just never know what situation might arise when
this quality will not only be important
but vital.
10. Starts water fights.
11. Will agree to live on a sailboat in the Mediterranean
for a minimum of “a short time”.
12. Must be able to grow facial hair.
The real kind.
Not the scraggly, patchy stuff.
I’m aware that this is not a complete list.
Yes, I know I didn’t mention
service, patience, integrity,
or a million other things I actually want in a husband.
That’s because this is a fake list.
Mostly.
I really would marry a man if he could wrestle a bear.
