A Fridge List of Qualities

In the fall of 2007 there was a CES fireside.

The topic was marriage

and the qualities to look for in a spouse.

I did not actually attend this fireside.

Truth be told, I didn’t even watch it on T.V.

I was out actively evaluating spousal qualities.

Translation-I was with a boy.

My roommates however, were not.

They listened

and then decided to write these desirable qualities

on our apt. fridge.

A & I thought it would be nice to add

a few of our own chosen qualities.

They included things like—

Must be able to wrestle a bear.

With his eyes closed.

Or the capability and desire to make his own

sandwiches.

My roommates thought this list was incredibly

unfunny.

And erased it.

But as funny as they

didn’t find it

I think there were some good points on it.

As such I am rewriting—

The Fridge List of Desirable Qualities in a Man.

1. Must be able to wrestle a bear.

With his eyes closed.

Here is why.

Scenario.

We’re camping. Bear attack.

I mace the bear.

But miss

(because he is only a really huge, giant bear)

and hit my hubs.

In the eyes.

Now we’re dead.

False.

My husband is so cool he can fight a bear

with his eyes closed.

2. “All that I’m after is a life full of laughter.”

Life is so much better

when there is someone to laugh with.

3. Depthless curiosity.

4. Speaks another language.

Speaks to his kids in other language.

(Proven fact that this increases cognitive development

and my kids will probably need

every chance

they can get)

Does not speak to kids in other language about me.

5. Can fight a shark with one hand

tied behind his back.

Seriously though I don’t want to lose my husband to some

freak shark attack.

6. Sings.

Preferably like Josh Turner.

Preferably not like me.

7. Accepts the words I make up

and subsequently use on a daily basis.

8. “Let’s be adventurers.”

Lives this statement.

But in the non-pirate or creeper way.

9. Can outrun the wind.

While rocking a small child to sleep.

You just never know what situation might arise when

this quality will not only be important

but vital.

10. Starts water fights.

11. Will agree to live on a sailboat in the Mediterranean

for a minimum of “a short time”.

12. Must be able to grow facial hair.

The real kind.

Not the scraggly, patchy stuff.

I’m aware that this is not a complete list.

Yes, I know I didn’t mention

service, patience, integrity,

or a million other things I actually want in a husband.

That’s because this is a fake list.

Mostly.

I really would marry a man if he could wrestle a bear.