¿Habla Español?

No hablo español. Which surprisingly is a problem since I’m taking Hispanic literature. Hispanic Literature: Literature written in Spanish by Spanish folk for Spanish readers. Warning: Must be able to speak Spanish in order to read, comprehend, and respond. Why did I fail this class the first time? Why am I almost failing again? Oh ya…no hablo español.

Spanish 101-First day of class: M starts talking to me. M: a boy about 22, acne, greasy hair, thinks he’s funny. He’s not. I immediately tune everything out. This includes the lesson on, ¿Cómo estas? I don’t know how to answer this question.

Spanish 102: I’m engaged. I meet K in class. She’s also engaged. We do homework together. Homework in Spanish class is insane. It never ends. Writing exercises come first then on to the listening exercises. By the time I get to the oral exercises it’s time to study for the test. I finish the homework by copying the answers out of the back of the book. I pass with an A. I still don’t know the answer to ¿Cómo estas?

Spanish 201: I’m already behind. I try to catch up. I try to learn Spanish. No more copying answers. No more engagement. Life catches up and I start to copy. I pull off a C. Since I didn’t make it out of bed the last month of class I’m calling it a miracle. I’m still behind.

Spanish 202 a.k.a. Hispanic Literature-First Attempt: I drop the second day.

Spanish 202 a.k.a. Hispanic Literature-Second Attempt: It’s early. It’s cold outside. Two things I don’t do. I go to class. It’s to early for Spanish. But even if it were later I wouldn’t understand. My grade starts slipping and my bed starts calling. My second attempt at Spanish 202 didn’t stand a chance.

Spanish 202 a.k.a. Hispanic Literature-Third Attempt: I take the early class again. Mistake #1. I miss classes. Mistake #2. I can’t speak Spanish. Mistake #3. Ever taking a Spanish class. Mistake #4.

Whoever said that Spanish is the language of love is obviously mistaken. It neither impresses me nor makes me fall in love. Now German there is a language I can appreciate. German is beautiful and makes sense. The rules are exceptions and the exceptions have rules that aren’t exceptions. If I were to be honest though I’d admit that Spanish is beautiful, maybe it is the language of love. But it is also the only academic area I have ever had to struggle with. I resent not understanding. I resent Spanish.

I’m supposed to write an essay in Spanish. The topic: How has Hispanic literature influenced your view or appreciation of literature in general? I use Google translate. For the whole thing. Then I give up. I update my blog on how much I hate Hispanic literature. I wonder if my teacher will accept it as my essay? Copy, paste, Google translate magic… homework done. Thank you Google man. I owe you big time.